Infidelity in Marriage - How to Survive in Three Easy Steps

Infidelity in marriage is supposedly the worst possible thing that can happen to a man or woman - and I know, because I've been there and felt the sudden empty rush of numb shock as my world came to a brick-wall halt. But the truth is (and I know this is going to upset some people, because it's terribly un-PC), there are much worse things that can happen to you.

Infidelity in Marriage

Does NOT have to be the end -- not unless you want it to be.

Yes, it's painful, yes, it's a shock, yes it can take a lot of time and effort to get the trust back... but it is doable; what's more, it's not only doable but it's often worth it too. Again, I speak from personal experience -- because now, after we've come through it, we're stronger and more in love than ever. What's more, we both have a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other.

So, if you're in the position where your beloved -- husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or lover -- has had an affair or even a one-night stand, here are three simple things you can do to begin to get your relationship back on track.

1. First, remember people always do things for a reason. This is not to say we can avoid shouldering responsibility for our actions, but what it means is very few people in the world are actually 'evil' and out to hurt us. In other words, we all tend to make the best decisions we can in a given set of circumstances. And if your significant other has been unfaithful, then something caused him or her to make that decision. Finding out what this was can be crucial to getting through this time and stopping it happening again.


2. Secondly, do not accept (or give) excuses. Often you'll hear the phrase, "it just happened." But it didn't. It took a decision. And facing up to the responsibility for making it is paramount. However, the other side of the coin is YOU may have been blind to things YOU had some control over that pushed your partner into this behaviour. No, you didn't "make" them do it, but there are two sides to every story. In other words, if he or she was just "scratching an itch"... why weren't YOU scratching it?


3. Thirdly, take responsibility and move on emotionally. Saying things like "This makes me upset" and throwing it up over and over again helps no one. For one thing, no matter what your partner has done (or with whom or how often), he or she is not in control of your emotions. YOU are. Only you can make yourself feel anything -- and in fact, everything you feel is something you're making yourself feel. So one way to get over the pain of infidelity is to make yourself feel better (I'll share some special techniques for doing this, later).

Ultimately you have a choice to make, too, just as your unfaithful partner did -- you have to decide if you want to work it out or end it. I had to make this choice, too, and for me it was an easy one -- I wanted it to work, so I put in the time and effort to make it work.

And I'm glad I did -- because Angela, my wife, and I have been through this ourselves... and yet are now happier than ever.