Relationship Infidelity: Why You Are Still So Angry After the Affair and Why You Need to Let Go

If you have discovered infidelity in your relationship then right now you are probably still very ANGRY indeed.

And rightly so.

The person you love and thought you could trust most in this world has betrayed you and let you down big time.

You may have decided that you want to stay with your spouse and make the marriage work but the problem is you are probably holding on to a huge amount of anger.

Maybe you feel angry every time you even look at your cheating husband or wife.

Maybe you verbally explode over even the most minor incident... so that now you are berating them for not only the current small offences (like forgetting to pick up the groceries) but also dredging up EVERYTHING they have done wrong in the relationship (the affair, the lies, infidelity etc).

Of course it is completely natural to be so angry, but you will never be able to move forward working together to repair your marriage unless you can learn to let go of some of that anger. You reach a certain point when the anger starts to cause more damage than it solves.

Before you learn how to manage your anger and express it in a less 'angry' way, it is important that you understand the underlying reasons why you are still angry.

The most common reasons people continue to feel such anger after an affair is because they feel that if they continue to be angry it will remind their spouse how much they have hurt them. They also feel that by constantly feeling angry and feeling pain they will continue to be aware of the affair and so stop themselves from being duped and being made a fool of again in the future.

There are 3 underlying issues hidden in those reasons why you are still angry after the affair:

1) You want your spouse to realise how much they have hurt your relationship so that they give you special treatment which you feel will help you move on after the infidelity.

2) You want your spouse to understand how much pain they have caused you so that they take full responsibility and show sincere remorse for their infidelity

3) You want to make sure that infidelity never occurs again in your relationship and so you feel that by continuing to show your anger your spouse will change their behaviour.

While these issues are understandable the problem is that 'continuing' anger will almost certainly NOT get you what you desire.

Why you need to let go of some of that anger

If you are always angry then your husband or wife will probably withdraw as they feel they are under attack all the time, they may become defensive or even start attacking back at you.

Or, if they do what you desire as a result of giving in to your anger then they may feel 'forced' into doing so and start to resent you.

This kind of outcome is not going to heal your marriage and if anything it is likely to damage it further.

On top of all the psychological stress it causes I was amazed to find out that anger can also have a negative physical impact on your body. Continual anger is not good for your heart and may even alter the way your body deposits fat and processes sugar and insulin.

Anger harms YOU more than it harms anyone else.

If you truly want to stay with your partner and try to save your marriage after their infidelity then you need to start treating your partner as a friend and NOT an enemy.