What Counts As Infidelity in a Marriage?

Do you and your spouse disagree about what infidelity really is?

Your spouse might not know what defines cheating - because they are not ready to accept that they are contemplating infidelity, are involved in the act of cheating, or have cheated at some time in the past.

In this article, you will learn what infidelity is, so that you are not left in doubt about your spouse's behavior and why it may feel hurtful to you.

A discussion about cheating may go something like this:

"Who were you talking to on the phone?"

"Someone from my work."

"Who is this "someone" calling on a Sunday?"

"Just a person for the project I'm working on, Rachel."

"It didn't sound like you were talking about work. It seemed like a pretty personal call. Are you involved with her?"

"Don't be ridiculous. It's not cheating just to speak with someone from work."

"It is when it's a Sunday and you're not really speaking about work!"

You can understand how rapidly such a dialogue becomes a stalemate, with both partners digging in regarding their idea of what cheating is or is not.

Your spouse is possibly in denial, especially when they're swept up in the rush of having interest from a person outside of the relationship. That interest can feel great if your significant other happens to be feeling "neglected" within the relationship, and he or she probably won't admit that they are doing something wrong.

However, feeling taken for granted isn't an excuse for conduct that will jeopardize your relationship. The spouse who is receiving this attention is not dealing with a problem within the marriage. They are not facing their feelings, emotions and needs head-on.

It would be easy to believe, "I haven't touched Rachel (or Richard), therefore, I'm not cheating to my significant other."

Being physical with someone outside the marriage is a very narrow definition of cheating. When your spouse is having a personal relationship with some intensity, the relationship may have possibly crossed the line. It may not be physical yet, but an emotional infidelity could be equally as destructive.

Here are some basic questions that will assist you in defining whether or not your spouse is being unfaithful:

1) Is the relationship with the other individual open as well as transparent?

Is your partner hiding the extent of the other relationship from you? Or is your spouse truly open concerning the discussions they have with the other person?

At heart, most spouses understand that if they are sharing intimate interactions with somebody apart from their own spouse, their behavior is improper. And when a husband or wife makes a strong effort to cover the reality, it can be considered cheating.

2) Is your spouse angry and defensive?

Is your significant other becoming heated once you bring up the other relationship? Or perhaps, is he or she starting fights or simply acting out of character? This may mean they are trying to find a justification for fooling around.

3) Is your significant other willing to maintain the additional relationship - even at the price of your own?

Sure, your partner might not have much choice in who they work with or see within a social group. But when they choose the other relationship even when it clearly endangers your marriage- this is being unfaithful.