How to Get Over Infidelity and Rebuild Your Shattered Marriage

How can you get over infidelity? Can your marriage survive an affair? When your husband cheats it's hard to escape the emotional trauma. But there are ways to deal with your feelings and emotions so that you can come to terms with what has happened and move on. You may also be able to rebuild your shattered relationship. If you are suffering the nightmare of trying to survive infidelity, find the 3 stages of recovery to help you get through the pain of betrayal.

Stage 1 - Healing Yourself

You won't be able to heal your marriage if you can't heal yourself first. So concentrate on looking after number 1 while you come to terms with what has happened. It will help if you really feel your pain rather than trying to deny it. Basically you need time to grieve for what you have lost - the trusting, secure relationship that you thought you had.

Initially the pain of your emotions will make your communication ineffectual. As justified as you are in blaming and recrimination, voicing your resentment and upset is going to close down the lines of communication between you as he struggles with your pain and his guilt. Whether or not you decide to forgive, you still need to find a place of inner strength and a certain amount of calm in order to be able to move onto the next stage where you will be able to communicate with him to move on to a resolution.

Stage 2. Negotiation and Communication

You are going to want answers, however painful. Only when you can begin to discuss the affair together and how you both feel and the reasons why it happened will you be able to move through this phase. You must be able to do this in a calm manner, without giving into the urge to cry, shout or scream otherwise he will shut down again. It will be extremely difficult at first but without this you won't be able to heal your relationship or move through this stage.

Keep in mind that how you say something is more important that what you say in communication. Tell him how you feel rather than blaming him for "what he did to you" if you want to effectively communicate your hurt and heartache.

Stage 3 - Rebuild your Marriage or Let it Go

When you are in a position where you can communicate with each other, you can now decide whether you want to rebuild the marriage or let it go. Rebuilding the relationship must be a joint decision as it will only work if both parties commit to that. You can now work on rebuilding trust, respect and love. This is going to have to involve a certain amount of transparency from your husband in letting you know his whereabouts so that you can start to trust again. Basically you will be starting over, but creating positive habits and communications this time around and building upon these.

Rebuilding a marriage after an affair can difficult but when you know the phases you must get through, it becomes achievable. Sometimes you will feel that you are making progress only to take a step backwards, but if you hang on in there you can make it through to the other side. You can get over infidelity and make your relationship stronger than ever.