The Final Choice Is Yours Regarding An Affair

Some of these folks will say that you should leave the marriage. Usually those who say this do so in your defense, in the hopes that by getting out of the relationship you will protect yourself from further pain.

Others may say that you should stay and try to work out your problems. These people likely say this knowing how much you care about your spouse and you marriage and want for you to be as happy as possible. They think the road to that happiness lies in rebuilding your relationship.

Or, perhaps they don't want to deal with divorced partners in your social circle. When you obtain advice from a personal friend, you just don't know what the full motivation might be.

All of these parties have their own judgments about the "right" choice when it comes to affairs. It isn't a problem that they have their own opinions. The problem comes when the choice you make conflicts with what they think is right.

Imagine you tell a family member about the affair. This person becomes indignant at the idea that your spouse would cheat on you (an understandable response) and immediately says, "You should leave the creep."

From this moment on, it is likely that this family member will judge your spouse rather harshly.

What happens, then, if you choose to work through the problems in your marriage? From that point forward, every family gathering will be complicated by the judgments this person has laid on your spouse. Years after you have forgiven the person you are married to, your family member may still harbor anger and resentment.

On the other hand, if a friend or family member suggests that you stay in the marriage and you opt to leave it he or she may think your choice ill-conceived and judge you (even silently) for years.

There are those rare people who can truly retain an objective ear and support you in whatever you choose. However, they are an unusual breed. So you should take care in determining who you tell about the affair.

In the end, there is only one person who has control over what you choose and that's you.

You have to make this choice. You will have to wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life. You are the one who has to live with the consequences of what you choose. And, ultimately, you are the only one who knows whether or not the "price" you pay for your marriage is worth it.