How to Ask Your Husband If He Is Having an Affair

Something about your husbands behaviour doesn't seem quite right, or is maybe a bit out of character. He could be allegedly working a lot of extra hours. He's been getting secretive about who he speaks to, to the extent that he leaves the room when he's on the phone. He seems more distant and there is none of the affection that there once was. You have your suspicions, but how do you ask your husband if he is having an affair.

If you suspect anything, then for your own peace of mind you need to investigate further. If you don't investigate then your imagination is going to go to town on you, the doubt and suspicion will eat away at your mind, and it will probably poison your marriage. And what if you're wrong, what if you go up to him and accuse him of having an affair, and then it turns out that he's innocent, what would that do to your marriage.

Do not confront your husband with your suspicions that he is having an affair! He would only deny it and you would both end up shouting and screaming at each other. You need to be patient, if he doesn't know that you suspect then he won't be as vigilant in hiding any possible evidence. By evidence I mean credit card statement, his phone bill, anything that can show that he is hiding something.

While it is unwise to confront your husband directly about having an affair, there is nothing to stop you asking questions about items on his phone bill or credit card statement. If he is working a lot of extra hours then there is nothing wrong with you wanting to see his pay check so that you can see all the money that he has made. If you are reasonable and calm about the whole thing then he is more likely to give you an honest answer.

If he is having an affair then you need to consider the reasons why, because the root cause is usually to be found in problems within the relationship. Do you have a good relationship where you communicate and spend quality time together, or has your relationship become stale and uninteresting. If your relationship is firing on all cylinders, you regularly communicate and you have at least one date a week, then I don't think that you will have a problem, at the very worst it might have been a stupid mistake that he is wishing has never happened. If your marriage is not so hot, then instead of working through your problems he might have gone looking for excitement outside of the marriage. If that is the case then look at ways that the relationship can be improved, look at how your can reconnect with each other, and give him a reason to choose you over anyone else, he did it once, there's no reason to suppose that he won't do it again.

When you ask him, if you have kids then it would be a good idea if they went to visit their grandparents for a few days.

When and if you have gathered up enough evidence then you need to talk to him about your fears. Don't be confrontational, no matter what he tells you, just be calm, he is more likely to open up to you if he knows that you won't try to rip his head of. Just as you have noticed that he has been different, he is likely to have noticed the same thing about you. If you have managed to identify any issues then start with those and then work your way round to your main issue, tell him that you are worried that he is having an affair, and tell him your reasons. Watch his body language. If he gets evasive and defensive then he is hiding something. It might be that all your fears are groundless and that he has valid answers to all of your points. On the other hand he might confess, in which case what do you do next?

The confirmation of the affair will fling you on an emotional roller-coaster, and this is something that it could take months to get over. Wait until you are more in control of your emotions before you make any decisions that could affect your long-term future. If you love him and he is genuinely remorseful and prepared to do what he can to make things better, then it's worth another go, and there is every chance that you could end up building a marriage that is much stronger and deeper. If he's not that bothered, then can you be bothered with him?

How to ask your husband if he is having an affair? Don't do it until you have enough evidence to suggest that he is. When you do ask him, don't be confrontational about it, just be calm and collected, easier said than done, but if you lose your temper then you will achieve nothing. If he is having an affair, and if you have a marriage worth fighting for, then you need to give him another chance. If you don't have a marriage worth saving, then are you better of calling it a day and finding someone who can treat you as you deserve? Whatever path you take I hope that it goes well for you.