Monday, April 18, 2011

How to End an Affair - Easier Said Than Done!



If you are wondering how to end an affair, there is some good news. You must stop all contact with your lover. Easy enough for you? It sounds simple but the truth is that it is nothing but easy. There are so many variables at play that this simple and ultimately correct statement can be the most difficult thing to do.

Here are a few things to consider if you want to truly learn how to end an affair. Understanding these things will help you to succeed and give you the possibility of restoring trust with your spouse.

Infidelity is like an addiction. People that are addicted or that have been addicted know how hard it is to give up a drug. They struggle with it and in fact, many are unable to give up their habits. Similarly, infidelity is like a drug. It can be very difficult to sever. After all, cheating provides some benefit to the cheater in the form of sexual gratification, emotional support, improved self esteem... whatever the reason, infidelity is like a drug. It is hard to give up.

Staying with the addiction theme lets draw another parallel. Addicts know that in the long run they will be better off once they overcome their addiction. In fact they almost all agree to this point. The problem is that they cannot give up what makes them feel good now for some future intangible benefit like "feeling better" in the future. Cheating spouses are the same way. They do not want to give up their paramour and the "good" feeling that they have now in exchange for a potentially better relationship with their spouse in the future. After all things are not working so well with the spouse right now, so why should they give up what they have for an uncertain future?

From what we have discussed above, it is clear that the only way to end an affair is to completely cutoff contact with your lover. There is no weaning off that is possible. You must be steadfast and strong and let your lover know in no uncertain terms that you are done. There is to be no further contact after your final goodbye. If you think that you can continue being "friends" with your former lover, or if you think you can meet for coffee every once in a while, you will soon find that you are right back where you started. Like a recovering alcoholic that goes to a bar with the best of intentions, chances are pretty good that you will eventually slip up. This is how you end an affair once and for all.



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