Infidelity and Emotional Dependence - How Relationship Addiction Can Lead To Cheating

Several years back, when I only thought I'd one day be a writer, instead of trying to be one, I met a couple by the names of Mike and Jessie. Of all the people I met in my wild past, these two were something quite else as far as dysfunction goes and yes, you can bet that chronic infidelity figured heavily into the equation.

What made Mike and Jessie's relationship so utterly disturbing is the fact that their relationship appeared twisted to everyone but themselves. Who knows who started it first, but the fact is the two fought a lot and the two would frequently find themselves in the arms of another.

Only to return to each other soon thereafter...and then get into vicious fights over the cheating that had torpedoed their disturbing relationship over and over again in the past.

As troubling as I found all of their fighting and infidelity to be, I was also very intrigued. Mike was a good looking guy, quite popular with both his buddies and girls and always made people laugh. Jessie is a fairly good looking girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and despite being unfaithful on more than one occasion, she appeared to genuine love Mike.

The very fact that the two would sleep around is proof that both have pulling power and can draw others to each other. So why would they gravitate to one another, despite the fact that they knew they would end up repeating their cycle in a few days, weeks or a month?

The truth is I spoke with both Mike and Jessie, who have long since moved on from each other, why they kept coming back.

And what did each tell me?

"Looking back on it now, I really couldn't tell you."

That was pretty much the same reason both gave me. The term 'love' never came up once. But I did pick up on the fact that they remember laughing a lot together, partying and also enjoyed those quiet nights on the couch watching movies. In effect that is what drew them back:

Habit and comfort.

If it's one thing I don't agree with when it comes to committed relationships and marriage, it's the institutional need to always 'work on the relationship' and the idea that everything can be worked out. Mike and Jessie are a perfect example that such isn't the case for everyone.

In some cases, infidelity can be avoided simply by avoiding the continuity of a relationship. Sometimes, talking things through and mediating is not the way to go - separation is. Let's not forget the old saying: "Out of sight, out of mind."

In the end, Mike and Jessie moved past their destructive patterns and have settled in perfectly happy and healthy relationships with new people, which shows that moving on is always an option.