Sunday, April 17, 2011

Infidelity - The Exclusivity Factor



Infidelity creates a problem on account of various factors. Marriage is a special kind of relationship between a man and a woman. It has many features that make it stand out from other relationships. Love, dating and other casual relationships may have several features similar to the ones a marriage has. The company of someone from the other sex which makes you excited and a deep friendship that facilitates exchange of love and affection and sharing of thoughts and feelings including some which are private and secretive are some common features. But if these were the only common things between a marriage and other relationships, infidelity need not be such a serious issue.

What distinguishes a marriage from other relationships is the exclusivity factor. The exclusivity factor really means including only one person in the special relationship solemnized by the marriage. Marriage involves choosing a life partner, one who is expected to be with you throughout, supporting you and sharing your life. The marriage creates a relationship that has some exclusive privileges. Let us see, how infidelity can pose a danger to the exclusivity and the privileges associated with it.

1) Having children: Even in a permissive society, one can have children only through marriage. If your spouse has an affair, it creates an unconscious fear in you that he or she may end up having children through the extra-marital affair. It is only for this reason that sexual relationship in an affair becomes such a serious issue.

2) Sharing of secrets: Notwithstanding several jokes that do the round about men trying to hide things from their wives, the fact remains that the relationship of marriage is the best guarantee for sharing secrets. If a man commits a murder and if he has to share this truth with just one person, it will definitely be his wife. Not that his wife will approve of it. But he can take the risk only with his wife. Even his best friend may not be trusted with certain secrets. But when there is infidelity, it creates a twin shock. One, it shows that your spouse has a secret not shared with you. (Obviously, this is an impossible situation.) Second, with another person between you and your spouse, you no longer enjoy the privilege of exclusivity that is so fundamental for a marital relationship.

It follows therefore that with infidelity making a frontal assault on the exclusivity factor of the marriage, any attempt to survive an affair should address the question: Will it be possible to restore the exclusivity that was damaged by the affair back to the relationship.



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