Online Affair - The Signs And The Solutions

1. Your partner seems to be spending more time at the computer than usual. When you innocently ask"why" the reply is "just surfing."

2. Whenever you abruptly enter the computer room your spouse furtively changes the screen. Or powers down completely,

3. The volume of instant messages increase.The majority obviously from the same sender. And always referencing the same phrases, Phrases that mean nothing to you.

These are just some of the signs of an online affair. What can you do about it? Can you somehow end it, before it has the chance to end your relationship? What's the best course of action?

In this article, I'll offer possible answers to those questions, and attempt to guide you to a "win-win" solution.

But first it's important to make a distinction between the two types of online affairs - emotional and physical. (or with the potential to become so)

The emotional affair, in the classic sense, is a strong bond that hasn't yet crossed the line to physical. Studies show that in the majority of cases, the emotional affair is most likely to be the continuation of an earlier relationship. One that ended, or more accurately was suspended, on a positive note.

The most common scenario here is the re-discovery of an old flame, an ex-colleague, or a brief but never forgotten emotional encounter. We have the explosion of social sites to thank (or curse, as the case may be) for our rapid access to all manner of information, ideas and entertainment. But, as with most "advances" that we generally view as a step forward. there is a step (or two) backward. In the case of the internet, that backward step is: ANONYMITY.

You can be anyone you want to be. Say anything you want to say. Without fear of real retribution. You can create a totally new "you." The you you dream you are, but will probably never be. However, if your profile/photo say "that's you." Then - that's you. And that's the dark side of internet.

In the real World (the one that's "offline") perception is 90% of reality. On the internet, Perception IS reality.

And that fact results in many people presenting themselves on dating sites,forums,and online "communities" as more beautiful, desirable wealthy, intelligent than they actually are. Sometimes the deception is full blown. A complete fabrication. For financial gain or illegal/immoral personal satisfaction. The flip side of the coin - a slightly retouched photo in a dating profile.

The implications of this "image enhancement" obviously produce all manner of real complications. Particularly if someone in an otherwise stable relationship is attracted to (and most probably flattered by) an alluring profile.

Will these two people ever meet? In the real World? Face to face? 90% of the time - no. At some point - the extent of their "enhancements/embellishments" will be revealed to one or both "lovers" when reality removes the mask of fantasy.

But for the other 10% - their fantasy will become a reality. A physical affair that started online.And now threatens one, or perhaps two other relationships.

Here's how you can avoid being in the "affected" 10% if you suspect your partner's having an online affair:

1. Don't spy. Don't hire an "online affair detective. "Don't scour his emails for "clues." A sincere relationship is founded on trust. Spying is a violation of trust.

2. Don't Go Postal. Don't confront them in a righteous rage demanding answers. This will produce exactly the opposite result.

3. Be An Inspiration. "Inspire" your partner to think that saving your relationship is THEIR idea. You can accomplish this by simply increasing your partner's dose of everything that attracted them to you. In other words -"pump up the volume." Unleash a tornado of admiration. A cyclone of compliments. A Hurricane of adoration.

Follow these steps and you will definitely "pull the plug" on that online affair.