6:55 AM
lucky
So you've just found out about your spouse's affair, and right now you're both physically and emotionally devastated.
Many men and women who've been cheated on have literally no idea what to do when they find out about cheating. Obviously, your marriage will never be the same again, and you're going to have to figure out what you want to do.
Unfortunately, affairs don't come with a hand book, and if you've been cheated on then you're probably feeling both lost AND confused.
For example: Should you run away from your problems?
Should you pack your bags and just turn your back on your marriage forever? But that won't make the pain stop, it'll just physically take you away from the problem. You may want to do nothing but shout and scream at the top of your lungs at your spouse, but of course, all that'll do is push them away further, and you're right back where you started.
And even if they stopped cheating, do you really think that any amount of yelling is going to make the pain you've just discovered go away?
No, of course not. What you need to do, and in fact one of your only reasonable choices right now, is to formulate a plan. Whether or not you're planning on/wanting to leave, the fact of the matter is that without some semblance of resolution you're not going to be able to recover from this affair.
What I'd like to do now is talk to you about a few of the best tips I can give you to get over an affair.
#1. Don't Worry About Anything Except YOUR Pain
If you think that someday the pain of this infidelity is going to magically disappear, then you're wrong. Healing the marriage is going to require on very crucial first step, and that's for you to find a way to get rid of the pain that's currently plaguing your mind and heart.
If you don't make an effort to control the emotional torture that's consuming you right now, then any decisions you make from here on out will be skewed by your irrational emotional thoughts. So, don't spend any more time wondering what your first step is...This is it.
Make the pain go away, do whatever you have to do; destroy whatever it is that's keeping you from emotional recovery.
If you want to have any hope of rebuilding your marriage to the point that it once was at, then you'll heed this advice and work on yourself first.
#2. Start Working and Doing Things Together
If you feel as if you're once again in control of your emotions, then you can finally begin to focus on other areas of your marriage. If you're emotional control has finally come out of the turbulent storm and found solid ground, then this is the next step:
The two of you need to start actually DOING things together.
It can be the most mundane of activities, the point is that you're spending time together working towards a common goal. Yes, in the beginning things will probably be a bit strained between you and your spouse. I'm URGING you to try and take it easy...Do your best to keep a fight from developing.
I can promise you that the moment you make an attack of any kind on your spouse you will regret it; things will immediately begin to go down hill. Right now I'm willing to bet that you've probably got some serious doubts about whether or not your husband/wife is really and truly willing to work towards a better relationship.
The goal of doing things together is to rebuild your relationship back to that point when you both have some basic trust in each other. Even when you find yourself consumed with negativity, on the brink of starting an argument, do your best to hold things in, take a deep breath, and count to 5.
I promise there'll be plenty of time to flesh things out later.
#3. Make a Plan For Your Marriage
This is the final step that you're going to need to follow if you're serious about making a full recovery from your spouse's affair.
Once the two of you have successfully rebuilt the communication necessary, once you can finally stand to be around your spouse, and once you're totally in control of the emotions flooding through your head, THEN you'll know that you're ready for your marriage to take the next step towards recovery.
It's at this point that you'll be able to start rebuilding the foundation that your relationship can recover from.
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