Surviving Infidelity in Marriage - What It Means to Forgive an Unfaithful Spouse

Surviving infidelity in marriage is never easy - and I think that is a massive understatement!

As the injured spouse you probably have feelings of anger and resentment, and are facing the devastating realization that things are not the same anymore - and may never be!

At the back of your mind though, you may be wondering just how to forgive an unfaithful spouse and how to get things back to how they were. And this may seem huge and impossible at this stage. But, if you are committed to repairing your marriage after the affair, forgiveness is something that you may wish to consider - either now or further down the line.

But what does it mean to forgive?

Only you can answer this question. Forgiveness is such a compound word, and there are loads of ideas relating to just what it involves to forgive a cheating spouse. And one main reason why forgiveness and rebuilding your marriage may seem so far away and out of reach is because your forgiveness is imperative in order to move forward - but you need to know what it means to forgive, or how will you know how to get there or when you get there?

So, to help you with this, I want to put forward a three-step challenge. Just some things to consider in order to forgive an unfaithful spouse:

Step 1: Can you define exactly what forgiveness means to you? Do you know what the concept of forgiveness means to you? Is this predicated upon your religious beliefs? Is it important for you to hear your spouse offer an authentic apology, or are you more concerned about how they show their remorse through their future actions? You need to have an idea about this - it is normal to feel torn between what you think you should do and how you really feel, and having things clear in your mind will help you on your journey.

Step 2: Can you envisage what your reaction would be to a truly remorseful spouse? Sometimes, we want something but do not give any thought to how we would feel or what to do next when we do receive it. It is no different here. If your unfaithful spouse came to you and apologized right now, how would you feel? What would you do next? How would this affect things? Would it help how you feel? Would it be empowering? What would it mean for your marriage?

Step 3: What if your spouse does not express regret? You also need to think about this. What if your spouse does not express remorse for his/her actions and does not stop to consider the impact of their behaviour on you? How would this affect you? Is this necessary in order for you to feel that you can move forward and repair the marriage?

Take some time and think about these three points, and answer them truthfully to yourself. For surviving infidelity in marriage, it is important to consider all the things that will help you and your partner work through the difficulty and rebuild your marriage. And it is of paramount importance to consider what it means to you to forgive an unfaithful spouse, so that you can get your life and your marriage back on track.