Healing After The Affair - Top Ten Emotional Questions You Might Deal With

You heard about the affair. Now you have to handle the devastating emotions that have dropped into your head. What happens now. After the affair is public, you have to face it.

The top ten emotional questions that you have to deal with are listed below. These are what others have said they have, they aren't in any order they just are.

1. What did I do to make this happen?

If it was your spouse who cheated, they are at fault They had options. They could have come to you. Don't beat yourself up. Realize that you are the victim. That doesn't mean you can't change.

2. How do you get the images out of your head?

This is a normal part of working through. You can't help but see your spouse with the other party. But don't allow it to happen all the time. Allow yourself time to see these images then little by little try to change them. You can work through these. There are steps you can take to help.

3. Will you ever trust them again?

How do you allow yourself to be open to trusting again. After all you have been violated. This is a time process. You must give yourself time to build that trust again. It has to be earned. It can happen when you go through practices and both of you work to that goal.

4. What will others say?

This has to be dealt with too. No matter what you think others will have a different idea That is o.k. you have to allow yourself to have your feelings without putting others in the picture. Don't hang around with those negative people. Tell them politely that it is you in the situation and you are dealing with it. You can get the help you need, but don't allow the good intention of others to bring even more mixed emotions into the picture.

5. Why me?

Just as in any bad dilemma, the why me comes in. Move past that quickly as it can take you down fast It isn't your fault, you didn't have the affair. You must move into a healing process not a depressed state.

6. What do they have I don't?

Chances are you wonder what the other party has that you don't. Usually it is more of a convenience than anything else. Don't fall into thinking that if you were more like them your spouse would not have cheated. Move forward and see what you need to do to heal yourself first.

7. Can we survive past this?

That is a question that can be worked through. If you work at saving the relationship it may continue. You can't ignore t his and think it will pass. Time heals but not without work. You can see this as an opportunity to communicate better than you have ever done before.

8. Should I cheat to make it even?

This is very destructive. It allows you to stoop to the same level. You can not do something you feel guilty about and justify it. That is what has already happened. Get help to deal with this. It is important to move forward. Don't hold anger and seek revenge. This can destroy quickly.

9. Should we get a divorce?

This has to be dealt with from other angles. The infidelity is an issue but it doesn't have to mean the end of the marriage. You have to look at the rest of the marriage and see what is best for both of you. Keeping someone in a marriage they don't want to be in isn't the answer. Get help of some kind.. Now, after the affair, you can take inventory of what is good in the marriage and what needs work.

10. How long until things will get better?

Wow There are never perfect time tables. Each situation will be different. But you can get past this. Time will help. You can't ignore everything and hope for the best.

Regardless of which partner cheated, the feelings are usually very similar. After the affair has been made public emotions are really wild in the beginning. You don't want to do something you will regret. Get some type of help.