How to Deal With the Remorse Felt After an Affair

You made a solemn oath to your spouse, and for reasons that are known only to you, you betrayed it. You didn't only just betray your solemn word, but you also betrayed yourself, your marriage, and most important of all, you betrayed your wife. If you are a serial adulterer, would you show remorse, I doubt it, and you certainly wouldn't be reading this article. If you are reading this article then the chances are that what you did was a stupid mistake and now you're feeling remorse. You will not be feeling as bad as your spouse is, but you have to get yourself sorted as quickly as you can, so that you can help them to heal. So, how can you deal with the remorse you feel after your affair.

For your spouse to be able to heal, and for your marriage to survive, what you feel needs to be remorse and not guilt. Your spouse needs to know that your are truly sorry for what you have done, that you can take responsibility for what you have done, and most important of all that you can understand the terrible pain that you have caused them.

There are some individuals who seem incapable of dealing with, or acknowledging the remorse felt after an affair. Maybe they feel embarrassed and try to pretend that it never happened, which is like a massive slap in the face for their spouse. As the guilty party you will find it easier to get over with than your spouse will. Discovering and affair will put the betrayed souse through hell, and it can take many months before they are able to come to terms with it. If you don't feel remorse then you are saying that what your spouse is going through is of no account, and that can dramatically set back their healing.

You cannot hide behind empty excuses, trying to blame the affair on anyone or anything but you. You didn't have to have the affair, you could have just walked away. If things are bad at home then you talk to your spouse and try to work things out, you don't have and affair. Taking responsibility for your actions will help you to come to terms with what you did, and can start you on the path to redemption.

It doesn't matter who they are and how long you've known them, you have to cut the other person out of your life, and your spouse needs to hear you do it. As well as helping your spouse, this step will help you to move on from them and to re-commit to your wife and your marriage.

Confession is supposed to be good for the soul and at some point you are going to have to tell your spouse everything that happened. The spouse will need to know, because if they don't know the details then their minds will keeping running through everything again and again, which is not a healthy way to live. While you had the affair you were burdening yourself with lies and deceit, this will be your opportunity to unburden yourself, and you should feel cleaner for doing it. If you are asked what happened then don't hold anything back for fear of hurting your spouse, they need to know, and it will look as if you are still hiding something.

In order to rehabilitate yourself and to deal with the remorse felt after an affair, you need to do penance for what you have done. You need to do whatever it takes to fix things between you and to win your spouses trust again. Doing this will reinforce just how sorry you are and that you are mature enough to accept the consequences of what you did. You need to become a complete open book to your spouse, they need to know everything about your day. If you are going to be late then tell them, if your routine has to suddenly change then tell them. Let them see your bank, credit card and phone statements. Given them full access to your emails, social media and phone. Prove that you can be trusted. I don't know how long this period will last for, it will take as long as it takes. Going through this will help you to understand that there are consequences to your actions, and it will slowly bring you closer to your spouse.

Your spouse will need your support and you have to be there for them. This is where you need to be strong. No matter what they say or scream at you have to accept it. Don't get defensive and don't shout back, you have to calm, comfort and assure them that you are there for them and that you are not leaving them.

How to deal with the remorse felt after and affair? You need to genuinely feel it and show it so that your spouse can heal. If you are truly sorry for what you have done then it will hurt you when you see what you have done to your spouse. You cannot spend your days wallowing in self-pity, you need to accept what you have done and work through it as quickly as you can because you have to support your spouse. If you want your marriage to survive then you have to help your spouse through this, and commit to this process, not matter how long it takes you have to be there for them. If you can both get through this then you can rebuild your marriage, wipe out the mistakes of the past and make it stronger than ever.