Infidelity - Can You Look at Your Own Contribution?

Infidelity is commonly perceived as a sin by the society. For the person affected, it is a feeling of let down and shock. "How can he/she do that to me?" will be the first reaction of anyone when they come to know about the affair of their partner. It is worthwhile to analyze the causes of infidelity. Understanding the causes will help in coping with the situation and coming out of it stronger rather than bearing the pain and suffering by considering themselves as a victim.

It will be easy to damn infidelity as a sin arising out of lust and lack of self-control. This is a puristic approach and suffers from three faults. One, it fails to look into the real cause of the problem by adopting a superficial approach. Second, it alienates the erring person and makes them defensive leading to rationalizing their behavior. Third, it doesn't offers any solace, much less any relief to the victim. One who is affected by their spouse's affair cannot take comfort from the fact that their spouse will eventually pay for the sin committed by them.

If we take a realistic view, we can understand the problem much better. Attributing lust to an act of infidelity is a simplistic approach since lust is present even in a normal relationship between lovers. What is described as physical attraction has an element of lust at its core. So, lust is not sin. Lack of self-control is also a problem with many people. Chronic habits like smoking and drinking are also caused by lack of self-control. Therefore, there should be another dimension to infidelity.

If you are a victim of cheating by your spouse, you may not like what I am going to say. You may even feel offended. But my intention is to be objective and to help you cope with this situation in a way that will make you more empowered in future. That your spouse has cheated you is a fact.

One reason for this is definitely your spouse, no doubt. But the other reason might be you. There are things that you have done or failed to do which might have alienated your spouse and encouraged them to look at other sources for what they couldn't get in their relationship with you. Introspect and find out for yourself the things that you could have provided but you didn't. What your spouse might have failed to get from you can vary from simple gestures of love to sensuous love-making.