Monday, April 18, 2011

Infidelity - The Role of Perceptions About The Passion



Infidelity has some external causes as well as internal causes. An external cause can be your spouse getting attracted to another person and this attraction evolving into a relationship. Internal causes can be attributed to inadequacies in the relationship. By inadequacies I mean certain missing elements in the relationship. As you will agree, mutual love is an essential requirement for a harmonious relationship. Mutual love does not mean only the presence of love. It also refers to the intensity of the love. If you are not as passionate as your spouse, your spouse may feel that their need for love is not being fulfilled. The fact that you are not very passionate does not mean that you don't love your spouse enough. It is the way you show your love. While as far as you are concerned, you are full of love for your spouse, your spouse may feel that they are not receiving as much love from you as they expect to. Thus, this is purely a matter of perception. But perceptions are very important in a relationship.

Passion is a factor that dominates several aspects of a relationship. Love for each other is only one aspect. The other aspects include the care and concern, willingness to adjust and accommodate, role played in taking care of children etc. Your sense of care and concern for your spouse may be very deep. But how expressive you are can be a measure of your passion. Certain routine gestures like helping the spouse in a small way in their daily activities, expression of concern about their health will be considered very valuable. But the intensity of your feelings will not have any value because they are not perceived by your spouse. Even mechanical words like 'Take care' carry value. If you do not use them thinking that they are mechanical utterances devoid of any real feelings, you may be wrong.

How much you are willing to adjust to your spouse's convenience is another factor. The number of adjustments will count more than the level or degree. You might have given up something very valuable as a part of the adjustment process. But if you are not willing to make some small adjustments, that may weigh more than the very valuable adjustment you have made. When it comes to taking care of children, two factors will count. Your participation in taking care of your children is definitely a factor. But unfortunately, if your partner feels that you are not paying them as much attention as you are paying to the children, it may weigh against you.



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