Infidelity - The Significance Of Sexual Factors

Infidelity may arise from various factors and sexual attraction is one of the predominant factors. There is a cynical definition of marriage as a sanction for sexual relationship between a man and a woman. Notwithstanding the frivolous and uncharitable nature of this view, the fact remains that sex is at the core of a marriage, at least in the earlier period. In most of the cases, a man and woman are attracted by the sexual appeal of each other. In many societies of the world, the sanctity of marriage is sought to be preserved by prohibiting sexual relationship before the consummation of marriage.

Even in permissive societies, a man having sexual relationship with more than one woman or a woman doing this with more than one man before marriage is not considered a serious offense, though frowned upon. At the time of marriage, both the man and the woman is likely to be aware that their partner would have had sex with others before the marriage. But they expect that after the marriage, there will be no extra-marital sex. Irrational as it may seem, this is a common expectation. I call it irrational because it is not reasonable to expect that a man who was flirting with more than one woman all along would suddenly turn faithful to the one he has married. The same thing can be said about a woman who flirted before marriage. Infidelity tainted with sex therefore comes as a shock.

If you are a victim of infidelity, with your spouse having had an extra-marital affair that involved a sexual relationship, I would suggest that you adopt a rational approach, using the following reasoning:

1) The existence of sexual relationship in an affair is likely to be more a rule than an exception. Cases of platonic love, which means two people having a sublime intimacy with no concern for physical contact is an Utopian concept and it may happen, if it ever does, only rarely. So the idea that an affair that does not involve sexual relationship is less abominable is based on an unrealistic possibility.

2) A relationship mainly based on sexual attraction is more likely to be short-lived than one that is based on other factors. So the chances of your spouse pulling himself or herself away from the affair will be much better.

3) Your focus should be on how you are going to take the affair. You can decide that the marriage has to be saved or severed, after the affair has occurred. What should count in making a choice is whether it is possible to make your spouse retract from the affair and reunite with you for a stable and long term relationship. Whether your spouse had sexual relationship with a third person will not be very relevant in your making this assessment.