Relationship Wisdom - Getting Over An Affair As A Couple

Assuming that you are in a relationship and as a couple have decided that you are still committed to each other, even though an affair has rocked your relation-'ship', you will still have to expect a few humps on the road. This article will look at some of the aspects of healing from an affair as a couple.

Honesty and openness

One of the most important aspects, if the not the most important, is the topic of honesty and openness. Given that an affair always comes with a certain level of lying or betrayal it is to be expected that you will have to put some extra effort in to re-creating the trust that has been damaged. Counteracting deceit can only happen if you are willing to be transparent and open. If you continue to hide things from each other you will perpetuate the cycle of resentment.

Clarifications

You can expect recurring conversations about the topic of the affair and the related incidents regularly. Remember that all the people involved, including children, take different amounts of time to get over the issue, to work through the feelings and to be able to let it go. It might be a generalization but my experience working with couples in this situation shows that men usually want to get over the situation and have it resolved and put behind them faster than women. Part of this strategy is also avoiding the key issues within the situation.

Trust

As mentioned above it takes time to re-establish the trust that has inevitably been affected. Trust is like a flower that has grown over time in your relationship and it's in a very delicate state after an affair. You can expect that the partner who has been cheated upon will check to make sure they find no evidence of the affair being ongoing. This obviously goes hand in hand with transparency and if the other person truly does not have anything to hide you want to let them know that you are an open book which in turn over time will regrow the trust plant.

Dealing with the painful emotions

Both of you will have to deal with some pretty painful emotions: guilt, grief, loss, frustration, anger, disbelief, and hopelessness just to name a few. Part of this healing can happen within the relationship and another part is best to deal outside with a trained therapists. Be mindful of which part you are dealing with and give each other space to do it in your own personal way. By the way: avoiding those emotions will not benefit you in the long run, neither you personally, nor your relationship.