Should You Divorce After an Affair?

First of all, if your husband had an affair, I want to tell you that I am truly sorry to hear that. I know how devastating it can be to find out that your partner cheated. I've been there myself and I'll never forget that queasy feeling that hits you right in the stomach and the nearly uncontrollable feeling of sadness and betrayal that haunt you for days or weeks.

But just because your husband cheated does that mean that you should divorce him or that the marriage is over?

This really depends on a lot of things, your own choice and desires being at the top of the list. However, let's look at a few facts.

To start with, most affairs are caused by some sort of problem in your marriage. I'm not trying to let your husband off the hook here, but if you can understand specifically how most affairs start, you will be better off.

There is a very good chance that your husband had an affair because some of his needs were not being met in your marriage. Maybe he didn't feel respected, or that you were emotionally available, or anything else for that matter. All it takes for him to fall head-over-heels for another woman is that she meets one of his unmet needs. Maybe she makes him feel attractive, or that he important, or something else.

Instead of dealing with the problems in your marriage, your husband became infatuated with this other woman. It is, of course, a slippery slope from a harmless little crush to an emotional affair, and eventually a full-blown affair.

Now, remember that he ultimately made the decision to cheat on you, so I'm not blaming you for this. But it is important to remember that you also had a hand in creating the situation in your own relationship that led up to the affair.

You can leave your husband or get a divorce. No one would blame you for that. But unless you're willing to look at the underlying cause of the problems in your marriage, you may be doomed to repeat the same pattern in your future relationships.

You don't need to divorce your husband. Though that is a choice only you can make, you can use this ordeal as an opportunity to look at improving your marriage and strengthening your love with your husband by working through this challenge.

This road won't be easy, but by building better communication skills, practicing forgiveness, and cooperating together to find better ways of meeting each other's needs, you and your husband can actually grow stronger together as a result of this.

Ultimately the decision is between you and your husband. But there is nothing necessarily weak or humiliating about staying together with your husband after an affair and fighting to save your marriage. After all, the two of you did vow to stay together as long as you both shall live, didn't you? Adultery is never something easy to deal with, but you can choose to make this either a curse or you can find the potential within this challenge to grow stronger.