Monday, April 18, 2011

Surviving An Affair - Can Your Marriage Survive The Affair?



Finding out that your husband has cheated on you is one of the most emotionally painful experiences any wife can have to face. The discovery that your husband has been unfaithful is deeply shocking. You are filled with terrible feelings of anger, pain and jealousy. Your marriage has been smashed to pieces. You feel as if you will never get over this outrage. It seems as if your marriage has little chance of surviving an affair.

Discovering that your husband is an adulterer will naturally make you angry with him. You have every right to be angry. The person who vowed to love and cherish you has hit you with the ultimate insult. You feel completely crushed. You don't know how you can bear to continue with your married life. Can you trust your cheating husband, or will he turn into a serial adulterer?

The first step you should take is to ensure that you know the truth about your spouse's infidelity. You are feeling bruised and battered. Pain, anger, jealousy and feelings of humiliation sweep through you in turns. Half of the time you won't want to think about the affair, let alone discuss it. You just wish it had never happened. The rest of the time, you spend imagining what has been going on behind your back and what might happen in the future. You need to talk to your husband and make sure he gives you all the information you need.

It will be hard to listen to what your husband has to say. But you need to hear the truth if you are going to get rid of the demons your imagination will conjure up. The truth is not likely to be any worse than the pictures created by your imagination. You need to hear the truth from your husband's lips. It will be far more painful if you learn these hurtful facts from a third party. You need to be absolutely certain that your husband will be honest with you in future.

You have to decide whether you can give your unfaithful husband another chance. Can your marriage survive the affair? You will only know the answer to that question when you have all the facts in your possession. If your husband wants you to give him another chance, he must be made to realise that transparency on his part is essential if the marriage is going to survive. A relationship built on a foundation of deceit cannot thrive.

It is bound to be uncomfortable for your husband to talk about his infidelity. But his discomfort is nothing compared to the pain he has inflicted upon you. You must resist any efforts he might make to be less than frank and open during these discussions. He must be ready and willing to give you any assurances you need that there will be no repeat of his cheating if you give him another chance.

You might find that your husband tries to avoid discussing certain aspects of his behaviour. He might try to justify his philandering. He might even try to shift some of the blame onto you. If this occurs, your husband must be made to understand that there can be no justification for infidelity. His excuses will only serve to get in the way of your discussions. If your discussions are being hampered in this way, a professional counsellor can advise you on how to communicate effectively.



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