The Affair Is Over, So Just Get Over It! Is It Possible?

So, your spouse had an affair, now it is over and has been for a while. Your spouse is tired of hearing about it, and discussing it with you. They tell you to just get over it. Is it possible to really "just get over it"?

After years of research, it has been discovered that certain areas of your brain will actually make it impossible for you to "just get over it".

In studies carried on from 1994 through 2005, it has been discovered there are certain areas of the brain that are responsible for your emotional memory. There is also another very small area that is responsible for your declarative memory. Declarative memory is your memories about facts and details.

Neuroscientists believe that the emotional area of the brain (the Amygdala) is a structure that triggers reactions very fast and acts independently of the thinking brain. Yes, this sounds a little wild and scary. To think that a part of your brain causes you to react to certain events or situations without you even thinking about it.

This is when you react emotionally to something so quickly that you actually gave it no thought. It was an independent, natural emotional reaction to an event.

In research conducted at New York Rockefeller University, it has been shown that an over abundance of stress hormones may lead to the death of cells in the declarative memory area of the brain (Siegel, 1999). This appears to be why some people are unable to remember the details of a horrendous experience.

On the other hand, stress highly enables the action of the emotional memory area of the brain. What this means is that although you may be unable to remember everything about a terrible and stressful event, you may still react very emotionally to certain events in the future.

Therefore, you may really want to be able to "just forget it," but it is a fact that you may not be able to "get over it. You will need a little help to be able to do this.

You see, to forgive someone and just get over it is not all that easy. You still have the stress, the emotional hurt, the lost trust. You will not be able to forgive and forget simply because you want to, and because your spouse is telling you that is what you are going to have to do.

Forgiving someone is not something that you can just make up your mind to do, go ahead and do it and that is that. Unfortunately, things simply do not work that way. Remember you have that nasty little emotional memory that will not let you forgive and forget. At least not at the moment. No, that is going to take a little work, and you are going to need some help.