Did You Have An Affair? Three Steps To Restore Your Marriage

If you had had an affair, it was an unfortunate development. But it is not unusual. Many people land themselves in a situation of an extra-marital relationship. There can be various reasons for that. Discussing the reasons may amount to justifying your conduct. At the same time, denouncing the affair on moral or ethical grounds is not going to help the situation either. Since you realize that you have made a mistake and are looking for a way to restore your marriage with your spouse, we should focus our discussion on how this can be done. Remember that there is life after an affair and there are hundreds, if not thousands of people who have been able to save their marriages and live a life of harmony and happiness.

I will outline three fundamental steps to restore your marriage. It is very important that you follow these steps in the given sequence, since only a step by step approach can get you effective results.

1) Overcome all obsessive thoughts about the affair:

Whatever was the principal cause for the affair, it usually happens that the other relationship becomes an obsession for people and they find it difficult to come out of it. It is like getting exposed to drinking, smoking or drugs. After a stage, you may feel that you cannot do without it. Therefore, unless you are able to drive all thoughts about the extra marital relationship out of your mind, you cannot hope to restore your marriage. It is a difficult task and you may have to avail of professional help, if needed.

2) Develop confidence and self esteem:

In the beginning of the new relationship, you might have felt excited and good about yourself but at this stage, you are liable to feel bad about yourself and weak. You may think that you have no self control or discipline. You should tell yourself that you are a person with confidence and self-esteem and that what happened was just an aberration. Building of confidence about your ability to control your behavior will restore your self- esteem and self-respect. Unless you have self-esteem, you cannot expect your spouse to accept you.

3) Become transparent and trustworthy:

If you want to restore your marriage, you need to rebuild your trust which would have depreciated after the affair you just had. Trust comes from belief. Belief can be created only by being open and transparent. Make it a habit to take your spouse into confidence. Tell them even about trivial things so that they will start believing you.