Helping Your Best Friend Get Over Infidelity

Your best friend's husband cheated on her and she has chosen you as her confidante. What is the best way you can help her to survive the damage done by her husband's affair? Helping your best friend get over infidelity is going to be a difficult task. She needs support and, of course, you want to be there for her. But you could make things worse even though you have your friend's best interests at heart.

How do you avoid making the situation worse for your friend when she is already suffering? There is one thing you must avoid at all costs:

Don't take sides. Although this might seem like strange advice, it is essential that you appear to be neutral. There are several very good reasons for this.

Your friend and her husband need to work through their problems together. Your instinct will be to take your friend's side. But if you openly criticize your friend's husband, you will risk coloring her attitude. Any attempt at reconciliation will be more difficult if your friend sees herself as an innocent victim and her husband as a complete villain. Nothing in life is ever that clear cut and there are only two people who know the truth about a husband and wife relationship.

Taking sides would put you in an awkward position if the couple get back together and rebuild the marriage. If you have openly taken your friend's side, her husband is bound to view you with suspicion and maybe even hostility. You could find yourself branded as a trouble-maker. It would be difficult for your friendship to continue if your friend's husband won't have you in their house and doesn't even want to hear your name.

Your friend will have some tough decisions to make. Her emotions will be in complete turmoil. You must be careful not to influence her choices. Your friend's heart might be telling her that reconciliation with her husband is the right way to go. You might feel strongly that your friend should ditch her cheating spouse. But you should be careful not to voice this opinion. Hearing your view could persuade your friend to take a different direction. If she later regrets the decision, this will damage your friendship and possibly end it altogether.

You will probably have strong personal opinions about the affair. Your friend is suffering the effects of a terrible emotional trauma. She will be feeling all kinds of emotions including hurt, anger, jealousy, and depression. She needs to be able to calm down. It will not help her to hear you venting your anger at what has been done to her.

Your friend has a hard choice to make. Her marriage is in crisis. She needs to decide whether to give her unfaithful husband another chance or whether divorce is the right option. Saying the wrong thing at this time can be very dangerous. Your friend might feel temporarily comforted to know that you think her husband is a total rat and does not deserve a second chance. But when she is trying to work through the problems, your negative opinions will add to her confusion.

Your role as a friend is to be there when your friend needs you and to help her deal with her negative emotions. Knowing that you are there will help her to remain strong. But she will need advice that you are not qualified to give. The best way you can help your friend with her problems is to should suggest that she gets help from a professional counselor.