How To Forgive a Cheating Partner - And Feel Healthier While You're At It!

The amount of break-ups and divorces happening today, because of cheating, is absolutely staggering and the biggest obstacle that victims of infidelity face is the daunting question of "how to forgive a cheating partner". When you have been cheated on the impact of the emotional devastation can be incapacitating, dragging you down into an abyss of desperation and hopelessness.

Someone explained it as, "A sickening cocktail of rage, anguish, anxiety, self-doubt, and sleepless nights." The psychological effect cheating has is dreadful indeed! But the frightening truth is, that if not properly dealt with, these negative psychological emotions can drastically affect your physical health also. And the longer they are allowed to dominate and control you, the odds are increased that your health will be impacted.

At some point, in the after-math of the affair, the victims are confronted with the painful dilemma of how to forgive a cheating partner. If you are at that point, be encouraged, because it is possible to ease the terrible pain you are feeling and reduce the unhealthy effects your mind and body are going through.

While forgiveness is needed and can take place, it is a huge obstacle for many. The concept of "forgiving and forgetting" is one many victims of infidelity cannot even grasp. I want to share with you a little tip to help you navigate through the confusing labyrinth of how to forgive a cheating partner... one that will bring relief to your emotional and mental anguish, even if you're not quite to the point of being ready to forgive.

Acceptance: Escape the Turmoil

Don't confuse acceptance with approval. I am not even suggesting that the conduct of the one who cheated be approved. I am defining acceptance in this situation as coming to terms with that which you can't change. The sad truth is, that no matter how intensely you want to change the reality of your partners infidelity... you just can't. The past is gone... forever. But you are able to influence your future, anyway you want. Either negatively or positively. Right now you are struggling with how to forgive a cheating partner without letting the sky fall in on you. And this is where acceptance comes into play. You need to realize that in order to move on and experience a bright future you are going to have to accept the dismal and awful past. When you do this you will find that your stress, anxiety and all the related negative emotions will begin to diminish greatly.

Here are 3 Important Steps for How to Forgive a Cheating Partner By Accepting the Affair: (remember that does not mean you are approving it)

Step 1: Give Your Pain a Name

Once you have determined to move forward and away from the negative, unhealthy emotions of the past, your first step should involve acknowledging the exact feelings that you are having. Do this by actually naming the painful emotions.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself that will help to quantify your feelings. If you keep a journal feel free to write your responses in it:

1. What thoughts and feelings are causing you anguish and grief?

2. What feelings are overwhelming and dominating you? Describe them one by one: sadness, anger, jealousy, disappointment, etc?

3. When you start thinking about your spouse what feelings are you associating with him/her?

4. What scenario can you just not get out of your mind?

Step 2: Process Your Emotions Instead of Suppressing Them

Once you have come to terms with how you feel, it is time to process your emotions. You can't keep trying to hide them away. This only magnifies the impact they have on you, both emotionally and physically, and if you skip this step you will derail the process of how to forgive a cheating partner.

Here are a Few Helpful, and Proven, Methods for Releasing Yourself from the Suffocating Grip of Your Painful Feelings:

1. Breathe - Take 5-7 (more if you need it) minutes and do some deep abdominal breathing. Pay particular attention to the air you inhale and concentrate on what it feels like passing through your nostrils - sounds weird I know:) Then exhale, letting go of the tension and anxiety in your body and speak (or if you're on the bus or subway... or library, go ahead and just whisper it to yourself...) the word "relax" to yourself. It's true, this simple exercise can really impact your health in a helpful and positive way.

2. Distract Yourself - If you find you just aren't able to "breathe" through your troubles, find a way to divert your attention away from them. Agonizing and deliberating on them will only amplify negative emotions. Force yourself to take a "time-out." Catch a movie, go for a run, jump in the tub for a good, long soak... do something that will bring you some enjoyment... you deserve it!

3. Talk With a Friend - Do not underestimate the importance of social support. It's true, "we all need someone to lean on." Share what you're going through with a trusted friend, family member, counselor or minister... it can be a big help to get rid of your negative emotions in this way as you continue working through how to forgive a cheating partner.

Step 3: Accept... When YOU are Ready

There is no magic timetable when it comes to acceptance. It's something that just happens... when you are ready, once you have come to terms with your feelings and have a firm realization of how the emotions are affecting you.

As you continue to put effort into working through the infidelity, the sting will start to diminish and the affair will move towards the back of your mind. As this happens, acceptance may start to take place - this is a natural phase in the process of how to forgive a cheating partner. Don't stop it because you feel like you should still be feeling mad, sad, or bad about the cheating. This is a lie and if you listen to it, you will suffer a regrettable set-back in your journey to find healing and forgiveness. Choose what is best for you and your marriage...

May you find the forgiveness you seek...