The Woman My Husband Had An Affair With Is Sending Me Pictures Of Them - What Now?

I recently heard from a wife who had no idea how to respond to a devastating pile of photos that awaited her when she logged onto her email. Her husband had an affair with a woman he had met at the gym. The relationship between them had lasted about four months until a mutual friend who went to the same gym told the wife she had noticed her husband flirting with this other woman. The wife confronted him and he immediately confessed and committed to ending the relationship and ending the affair.

For a while, the wife wasn't sure if she even wanted to maintain the marriage. She was so devastated and she had no idea if she would ever be able to trust him anytime he went to the gym, ran errands, or worked late. But after spending weeks thinking about it and seeing her husband's willingness to be completely honest and to completely distance himself from the other person, she decided that she would give him another chance and see how it went.

And this is what happened for about two weeks. The wife was on the other line when the husband told the other woman it was over. He was very clear about this. He had come straight home from work every day since and had not been at the gym. In fact, other than his working hours, he was always with the wife. But one day, this all came to an end when the wife opened up her email and a whole bunch of picture files were attached.

The wife said in part: "I was horrified. I don't know how she got my email but she had sent about fifteen pictures of the two of them. They were hugging, kissing, and making silly faces and poses. Looking at those photos was like a punch in the gut. But you want to know what hurt me the most? What really ripped my heart into pieces was the fact that my husband looked so happy and carefree in those photos. There was actually light in his eyes and his smile looked so genuine and real. Frankly, I haven't seen him look like that in years. And of course, this makes me wonder if he was truly happy with her. And if that's true, it means we're doomed and that he's only with me out of a sense of obligation when his heart and his happiness is really with her."

To say I felt for this wife is an understatement. It was so heartless of the other woman to send these photos. And it was probably a last ditch effort on her part to make some trouble for this couple, hurt the wife, or causes some doubt that would injure their marriage. Perhaps she thought her actions could inspire the wife to kick the husband out so he could go back to her. Maybe she was just trying to be cruel. Whatever the reason for the other woman's actions, the wife was now in a situation where she had to decide how she wanted to react. Below, I'll offer some suggestions that I gave the wife to consider.

Find Out When The Pictures Were Actually Taken: Needless to say, the wife immediately confronted the husband and demanded to know exactly when the photos were taken. The husband insisted they were taken about two weeks before she found out about the affair. Once she calmed down, the wife had admit that this was likely because her husband had been at her side pretty much since he ended the affair. He was only out of her site when he was at work. And he didn't work with the other person. She was a student at a college on the other side of town. The common denominator was the gym, where the husband hadn't been since.

If The Photos Weren't Taken Recently, Define What Emotions And Issues They Have Brought About: Just because the pictures weren't recent, they still brought up a whole new set of issues. The wife was certainly struggling with the idea that her husband may have actually been happier, more carefree, and more at ease with this other woman. And she was not sure how in the world she could compete with that. This brought up all sorts of self esteem issues and doubts which I suggested she address in the future. She also needed to discuss her new worries to her husband and give him a chance to respond rather than making assumptions.

Additionally, it couldn't be ignored that the other woman had shown herself as someone who wasn't willing to go away all that easily, which leads me to my next point.

Take Steps To Stop Her From Contacting You Again: The wife still couldn't figure out how the other woman got her email, but the bigger question was how was she going to stop her from sending more photos or emails. Many email services allow you to block a user. If you aren't sure how, you can contact your email provider and they can likely tell you how to do this.

The woman hadn't started calling, but her having the other woman calling the house isn't all that uncommon. If this happened, the wife should block the calls as well. The whole idea is to make it very clear that you aren't receptive to her communications and will not allow the same to get though. The hope is that eventually, she will tire of no one responding or listening. If you respond with strong reactions, frankly this is exactly what she wants.

Decide If The Photos Mean That Your Plan Has Changed: I do understand the wife's pain and anger. Here she was trying to move on and the other woman seemed determined to not allow this. But, I asked the wife to really think about if any of the basic facts had changed. The photos were old and from a time that was different. But since then, her husband had committed to her and had ended the affair. Neither of these things had changed. Her husband was still being trustworthy and attentive. He was still doing everything that he could to make things right. In short, he was holding up his end of the bargain.

It was up to the wife if she would ultimately allow the photos to negate her progress or to make her change her mind about her course of action, but I hoped that she wouldn't. My gut feeling was that the other woman was just trying to make trouble in a last ditch effort to harm the marriage. And time was going to tell if the husband had earned the wife's efforts to save the marriage or not, but at this point, the husband hadn't done anything to warrant an about face.