Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Infidelity in Marriages: How to End an Affair Discretely



Infidelity in marriages can start out feeling exciting if you are the spouse who cheats. You may be convinced you have finally found your soul mate and that "destiny" has brought you together.

But the secrecy of affairs quickly turns infatuation into guilt and resentment. A sign that your affair has entered the end stages is: you are your lover argue increasingly.

Let's say you've realized you no longer want to sneak around, lie and hide. Let's say you realize that what you are your spouse have may not be perfect - but it means a lot to you and you want to keep it. Now you are ready to...

End an Affair Discretely

Often the decision to end an affair is one sided - don't expect your lover to appreciate your change of heart - especially if she or he is single and has become dependent on you for affection and attention.

Perhaps the best course of action is to mail a letter explaining your position and then stop all contact. Because you've likely built up an emotional attachment to your lover, breaking up is not easy. Expect to feel anguish and longing for weeks...

A practical way to deal with missing your lover is to write out a list of all the reasons it's better for your relationship to end - and read those reasons whenever you feel tempted to call or text or email.

Does your spouse need to know about your infidelity in marriage?

This could be the most difficult question ever asked about marriage. Even the experts don't agree.

Keeping secrets from your spouse weakens any marriage. At the same time, confessing that you cheated - even if you end the affair discretely and totally - will cause your spouse to feel betrayed and will seriously threaten your marriage.

But don't lose sight of this fact: marriages do recover from infidelity. It happens every day, and it can happen for you.

The keys are:

  • Have a plan. Don't simply confess everything and hope for the best...

  • Be clear about what you want and commit to it. Do you really, truly, deeply want your marriage to continue? If you do, live by that commitment.

  • Get educated on how to deal with infidelity in marriage

  • If you decide to talk to your spouse about your affair, be prepared for high emotions. Your partner will feel angry and betrayed. You must be willing to admit you deserve whatever response you get. Don't bring up your cheating until you know you are able to stay calm no matter what.

  • If you decide not to tell your spouse about your affair, do it not because you are a coward but because you choose not to hurt this person you love and are married to.

If you have the impression that rescuing a marriage after infidelity is a challenge, that would be correct! To get the information and support you need in dealing with infidelity in marriage - and to rescue your relationship.



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