You Want To Get Over an Affair? Some Points To Ponder

If your spouse had an affair, can you get over it? When and how? Let us find some answers to this question.

Getting over an affair means forgiving your spouse and moving on. Despite all the platitudinous advice you often hear, 'forget and forgive' is not an option your mind will easily accept. You can advise other people to forget and forgive. You can invoke Jesus Christ or other religious or spiritual symbols to buttress your argument. You can present a cogent and highly persuasive argument on the need to forget. You can even portray this as an obligation, not just a choice. But when it comes to applying it in your own life, you are not likely to succeed.

The main obstacle to get over an affair is the memory of the past. Painful memories are deeply engraved in our minds. When you are a victim of cheating by your spouse, the feelings you experience will be divergent and intense. You will feel hurt obviously. But additionally, you will also feel humiliated. Your spouse has taken you for a ride. You also feel defeated. After all, your spouse has thought that the other person has something that you lack. You will feel angry and even vengeful. The shame of the affair will hit you very hard. Even if the affair is known only to you, it is still a shame. If it is known to other people, the sense of shame will be much more severe. Lastly, the blow your ego suffers as a result of all these feelings will be very devastating. Your spouse has betrayed you. They have made a mockery of the trust you reposed in them.

In spite of all these factors, you can still decide to get over the affair and rebuild your relationship. But there will always be a lurking suspicion in your mind that your spouse may do it again. You may strongly believe that this will not happen. But this belief will not be able to drive out the underlying layer of anxiety that will surface at the slightest provocation. If your spouse is late to return home, your lurking feelings of anxiety and suspicion will come to the forefront and engender a feeling that they may be having an affair again.

Here comes the anticlimax. It is not my intention to convince you that you should not forgive an affair and rebuild the relationship. I only wanted to highlight the complexity of the issue and the consequences. You have to get professional help to understand your feelings and reprogram your mind so that you will be able to get over the affair without the risk of any repercussions in future.